Month: October 2018

I chose to read that chapter “As He Puts It” form “They Say I say” which is about how to launch an effective argument that you need to write the arguments of others into your own text. I chose this chapter because I think that I have a hard time sometimes of using someone else’s work to help my argument. I feel like I could find better quotes that help support my argument. I think that by reading this chapter that it was helpful and gave me some new ideas of how to find quotes that really help support my claim and arguments.

For my revisions I changed up my thesis statement.

Old thesis:  Art and science should not be pegged against each other but rather be encouraged to come together.

New thesis:

Sports management is a up and coming field, as someone studying in this field my goal is to be a general manager of a professional sports team. The integration Arts and sciences will be very beneficial to the field and the possibilities endless.

One of my paragraphs I decided to change was my intro. I looked at what my peers had to say about it and took some of their advice to clean it up. I also made a bunch of spelling and grammar errors that were in the paragraph. I added some more of my own personal thought to the paragraph and I made my thesis more clear. I also wanted to grab the readers attention so I tried to make the start to my paragraph pop.

The other paragraph that I edited was my conclusion, I read the paragraph out load to hear how it sounded and made sure that I didn’t or forget any words that I needed. I then looked for grammar errors, and fixed those. My conclusion was a little short so I added some more thought to it and made it longer. I think that these changes will help to make my essay better.

After reading Anne Lamotts essay it gave me a sense of encouragement for my essay. In her essay she talks about how the great authors write bad first drafts and they know that not everything that they write right away is going to be their best work. I did not feel like my first draft was my best work but after reading this essay it has given me some more confidence. I think that it will take some time to write a good essay but if I keep going with my rough draft I think that I will be able to have a good paper.

I have made many goals for my revisions with my essay. One goal is to add some sources from outside the direct reading to help further help back up my claims. I also want to make my thesis stronger and make the essay more personalized by adding more of my personal opinion. I also want to improve on making my paragraphs by intertwining the Ted Talk and Southan’s essay. In my first draft I don’t think that I did a good enough job of including both of those into my paragraphs, I just did one or the other. Being able to work in groups I think is a real beneficial to me because it allows other people to look at my paper and give their opinion.